Friday, October 17, 2008

{Just thinkin' about my dad}

A little girl needs a Daddy

For many, many things

Like holding her high off the ground

Where the sunlight sings!

Like being the deep music

That tells her all is right

When she awakens frantic

with the terrors of the night.

Like being the great mountain

That rises in her heart

And shows her how she might get home

When all else falls apart.

Like giving her the love

That is her sea and air,

So diving deep or soaring high

She'll always find him there.

This is my dad - I miss him terribly

It was 4 years ago Sunday that my dad returned to his Heavenly home

October 19, 2004

I can remember it like it was yesterday - please don't ever let me forget

At that time in my life I was probably closer to my Heavenly Father than I ever have been.
I can remember so vividly the morning of October 19th that year, my dad was lying unconscious in a hospital bed and my brother Jason had just finished staying with him for the night. Because my dad had been in ICU for a number of weeks my brothers and I began to take shifts with him. They would alternate the night shifts and I would be there during the day. We were always with him. The only time he was left alone was during the shift change from 7am – 8am in the morning and from 7pm – 8 pm in the evening. Jason called me as he left the hospital and said shift changes were beginning shortly and that dad had a good night, he was resting peacefully and he would see me later that night when he got off of work.
No one was allowed to be in the ICU during the shift change and I knew I couldn't get in for another hour. But I had not slept at all the night before and had a distinct impression that I must go now. I didn’t tell anyone in my family why I was leaving so early I just knew I needed to be there. When I got to the hospital, the door to the ICU was unlocked. Which was very strange. I walked in and the nurses could tell I had been crying. They didn’t question me being there during shift change they just wanted to be sure I was okay. As I entered his room and went and sat next to him to hold his hand. I could feel something different. That morning there was something very different. The veil between Heaven and Earth was very, very thin. The room was warm; I could feel the presence of others who had gone before. It was as if they had their arms circled around me.
I immediately called my mom and brother's and told them to come.
I began to talk to to my dad and the tears just began to flow.
As I cried a nurse came in and put her arm on my shoulder and told me that he was very restless when she was changing his bed a short time before.
She said “he is tired of being here, he’s waiting for you to let go – he wants to know you will be okay – tell him to go home – tell him to go to the light”
then she left.
I couldn't believe what she just asked me to do - tell him it was okay to leave me ?
So I sat and talked to him. I poured my heart out to him. I didn't want him to go.
What was a 36 year old girl supposed to do the rest of her life without her dad ?
He was my rock. He was the one who could make everything okay.
He was the one I turned to.
He always had ALL the answers.
He brought me comfort.
I wanted my children to have the same positive influence that I had growing up.
A few nights before we let all of the kids come in and talk to him. My heart broke as I watched my children, one by one, say goodbye to their grandpa. The man they admired and loved so much. They each took a turn and held his hand and spoke straight from their hearts. I could have never imagined how hard it would be as I watched my children sob at their grandpa's bedside.
He was their rock.
But I knew his body could not take anymore.
But just like my dad - he had to make sure we were alright.
As I sat there holding his hand and talking to him I felt a peace come to me.
I had quiet music playing on a cd player in the corner of the room.
It was so peaceful.
The Holy Ghost whispered it would be alright.
I then promised my dad that everything would be all right and that it was okay for him to go.
As I said those words that I never in my life thought I would say, he began to open his eyes. Something I never would have expected.
He looked at me and then looked around the room – his eyes gazed across the whole room.
I knew he saw what I couldn't see, the spirits that were there to take him home. I imagine my grandma choules was right there to gather her oldest grandson and lead him home.
I told him I loved him and he squeezed my hand and then in an instant I could feel his spirit leave his body. I began to sob and the nurses could hear me crying - they came in and asked if everything was okay ? and I said "he is gone" as I sat there holding his hand. They turned the monitor on and sure enough he was gone. The music that was playing on the cd was like the angels were singing as he entered their presence.
One might think it is painful for me to recount this story – and to some extent it is – but it is also a vivid reminder to me of how I want to be living my life. At that time in my life I had given up every worldly influence, I spent countless hours searching the scriptures, countless hours praying and many days fasting.
My family was the only concern I had. It was because of the way I was living my life at that time I was able to be in tune and receive the gift of personal revelation.
For that I am thankful.
I am thankful that I was able to be there with him and witness the Heavens open and bring him home. You know my entire life I had faith and I believed all of things that I had been taught. But at that very moment in time – I received an overwhelming witness that it is all true. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was all true – that once we come and make the sacrifices that are required of us and fulfill our mission here on earth it will be a glorious day when our Heavenly Parents welcome us home. I know that if I live my life the way I should I will see my dad again. We have an eternal family and I am so thankful for those eternal truths.
I see his influence all around me. I am thankful for such an amazing father.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him or
ask him to watch over my children.
I know he is watching over us and looks forward to the day when we can be
together forever.
This little stone with this quote sits at the cemetery and every time I walk by it - it reconfirms how I feel. That's me a big emotional ball of tears.

The kids and I enjoy our visits the cemetery. It is the perfect, most beautiful cemetery. I am sure my dad was happy with the choice. It is where I like to go for quiet reflection. When I am having a hard time or just need to go have some quiet time. It's also a place where I will take my kids if they are having a hard time. Sometimes I'll notice them having a tough day and I will say.
Hop in the car let's go see grandpa.
Once we are there - it helps us to put things in perspective and remember that we are all here to experience the trials set before us in this life and work on making our way back to our Heavenly Home.
The promise of a FOREVER FAMILY is what keeps me going some days.
(missing Marissa - but I am sure she will pay a visit when she comes home in December)

The greatest gift I ever had

Came from God

I call him Dad

Author Unknown

Click {HERE} to see another wonderful tribute to my dad. If you are lucky enough to still have your dad here upon this earth. Take a minute and call him or send him a note to tell him how much you love him. You never know how many tomorrows you have.


Anne Marie said...

I , too, experienced my bother being greeted before he died. I knew at that same moment that he was better off going home then being here. He opened his eyes and said "Oh my mom was right, your wings are soft". My mom and brother always talked about Michael the Arc Angel. He was 14 when we lost him on 10/2/83 to cancer. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I know he is waiting for us to join him when our job here is done. My thoughts and prayers are with you on your dad's anniversary.

Janna said...

you will remember that day as clear as now. because you wrote it all down, your kids will always be able to share in the beautiful memory too.

Ann Corbiere-Scott said...

thinking of you today.
love you-

OK said...

talk about a tear jerker. This was very hard to read as the tears flowed. I remember you dad and what a gentle person he was. I am sure he still is, as he watches over you. When my good friend died, the same warm feelings were in the room. She felt at peace to leave because her family was there. I had the impression to go over that morning, and when I did, it was like she had been waiting so I could get her kids before they came home from school. The warm feelings in the room, are still experienced now with Tracy. It scares me almost! But there are angels among us, bearing us up and lightening our burdens.
Thanks for your example, and you have many traits from your father. He will always be with you as you are part of him!
Such tender times.
Thinking of you and your family, and so glad you are part of my life too!

Amy's Tidbits said...

Thank you for such an amazing story!